Warning: Don’t Let This Sugar Destroy Your Family Life

Just like sugar, social media can add some sweetness to your life. But it is something to be used with care, with discretion.

Like sugar, it’s an easy fix. Easy to accumulate hundreds of friends. Easy to look and sound your best. It’s easy to feel like you’re smart and sophisticated. Easy to connect.

And like sugar, too much can rot your relationships and destroy your insides. This is what I mean…

• When was the last time you really examined your feelings?
• When was the last time you thought your own thoughts?
• When was the last time you sat through a difficult or boring conversation and didn’t break away to check Facebook?
• When was the last time you dealt with your frustration, shame, unhappiness, anger…kept dealing with it…dealing with it some more…and figured out what to do about it?…And then did something . .. in this world. (No, posting to Facebook doesn’t count!)

Social media can be addictive

Worse yet, it’s an addictive habit, hard to control and sweet tooth, once you start.

Eat too much and you won’t want anything else. You will yearn for it when you are not getting it.

Without it, her mood sinks to an all-time low and nothing can help keep her feelings afloat except going back to Facebook or Twitter.

Offline relationships are like whole grains

Just to be clear, I’m not saying that the people you meet on social media aren’t real (or at least, most of them aren’t). But all you get is a piece of his life. You get some nice photos and their best thoughts and observations (well edited). Certainly, there are real people behind these people you are connecting with on social media.

But you are not connecting with the real person. Social media is more or less sugar coated stuff.

Real physical people, on the other hand, are like whole grains.

Yes, they take longer to digest. It takes time for trust to develop…

Because, just like whole grains, you don’t just get the easy sweet stuff.

• You have to take in how they look (really), their body language (often awkward or maybe not totally focused on you), and yes, even their smell.
• And you also have to work hard! You have to watch what you say, you can’t edit it. You have to see how you look and how you behave. (Yes, not all of us look like those glamorous photos on Facebook every day and every hour.) Like when you eat whole grains, you have to use all of your body’s abilities to digest: enzymes, stomach acids, muscle, probiotic bacteria, and all.

Not like with sugar (or social media) where it just goes straight into the bloodstream. There is no work at all.

But all that work that goes into building relationships with real people, just like the vitamins and fiber in brown rice and whole wheat, makes your life stronger, richer, and nourished beyond imagination.

The challenge we face

Why am I pointing this out?

Because we are destroying our lives with too much sugar. We are heading towards heart disease, diabetes and cancer. of the soul.

Our children do not know how to relate.

Our children are jealous of our phones.

Our families are falling apart.

We all feel more unhappy, depressed and…

Only.

Here are some of the claims studies and statistics:

• The groundbreaking 2010 survey on loneliness found that the number of people who feel like they have no one to confide in or discuss important matters with has more than doubled, from 10% in 1985 to 24% in 2004.[1]
• Most of the people who said they felt lonely in this survey agreed with the statement “I have fewer deep connections now that I keep in touch with people who use the Internet.”[2]
• Several studies have linked rising divorce rates to increased use of Facebook. A recent study showed that people who used Facebook the most were more likely to have conflict in their romantic lives.[3]

But you don’t need them. Because you know what’s going on.

You have looked at your children. You have observed yourself.

I use social media a lot for my business. It’s an invaluable tool for finding resources…and finding people who can help you with a particular problem or inspire you to do more.

I have also been able to reach as many people as you who need the unique resources we created. I’m glad we can all use this tool. strategically to improve our lives.

But it is just a tool, one that must be used wisely.

I can feel her seduction when I’m down or hitting a wall with work. So, just like when working with a chainsaw, I need to remember how much damage it can cause if I don’t use it correctly.

How to use social media wisely

So here are some tips:

• Acknowledge its sweet seduction, its potential to hook you. Like Alcoholics Anonymous, the first thing we need to do is recognize how out of control we can get with this. Yes, it is addictive. Studies show that people with Internet addiction have abnormal white matter patterns in the brain similar to those addicted to cocaine, heroin, and methamphetamine.[4] College students denied access to social media experience withdrawal-like symptoms: nervousness, anxiety, and irritability.[5]
• You can make connections on social networks for specific purposes. But always remember that friendship is much more complicated and can never be created digitally. A start, perhaps, but never the real thing.
• Limit your time. When I post tips on Facebook and Twitter, I often add #godo to them. This is a reminder to take that advice or inspiration, get off the screen and go do something real in it real world with it.
• Reflect. I also need to remind myself to do this more. See how you interacted on social media, what you were doing and how you used your time? Are you meeting emotional needs or escaping from reality? Were you doing something on purpose? Did you lose track of time?

As adults, we have some security checks. Because we did not grow up with social networks. For better or worse, we all have a few decades of history of interacting with real, flesh-and-blood people.

Our children are much more vulnerable. Childhood is when you learn to manage your emotions. It is when we learn to navigate the sophisticated interactions that come with being part of a culture and a community. It is where we use our imaginations to develop our skills for life and the real world. Not to avoid it.

When kids get lost on phones and Twitter, they’re literally lost.

So here are some tips for parents. And just to be clear, I’m not going to suggest you pick up all your phones before a playdate or keep them out of the bedroom. I’m going to take a few more steps based on what worked for us:

• Don’t give your child a phone unless they absolutely need it. And they are old enough to follow the rules about their use and exercise some discretion. We didn’t get our daughter a phone until she went to high school. And she still uses it minimally and not for social media. The truth is that she often forgets him at home when she goes out. We have insisted on telling her that if she wants to see her friends, call them on the (family) phone or ask them to come. No text messages needed.
• Don’t let your child use Facebook, Twitter, or any new emerging social sites. In fact. Again, we only allowed our daughter on her FB because her soccer coach was using it to communicate with the team. But we stay on top of it and make sure she’s not using it to post. She doesn’t need it. In fact. She has been the subject of some heated discussions. But recently she has recognized how much she appreciates not getting lost on social media and having time for her own thoughts, to work on her drawing, etc. And to develop her sense of self in contrast to what she sees around her with her peers who can’t stop talking about hashtags.
• Talk to them about the ramifications of the post and online activity. We’ve explained to both of our kids that once you post something online, it goes out and you can never get it back. This may not seem like a big deal right now. But you may regret it later when you’re building a serious relationship or trying to get a job you really want to get.
• model it. My husband and I have a cell phone that we share…and we often forget it when we go out. I admitted it, I have to be careful how much time I spend online. Even if I say it’s for work, it’s easy to get involved in online discussions and interactions that frankly don’t help my business and take me away from family time. Sugar.
• Make activity a central part of your family life. As I’ve pointed out before, family fitness isn’t just about fitness. It’s about spending time together, developing a healthy way of dealing with stress and other emotional turmoil. And it is one of the best ways to develop self-esteem.

But the most important thing is to create a home life where your children know they are important and loved and where their emotional needs are met. Create a home life where they get the support and guidance they need to meet the challenges of the world.

Create a family life that nurtures your children and likes whole, healthy foods, not the seductive, sugary world of social media. Make the decision to live in a world that requires a lot of chewing and digestion. And train your children to build their lives and relationships solidly in this complicated, sometimes uncomfortable and frustrating, but undeniably nurturing world.

Sources:

[1] Edmondson, B. All Lonely People. Journal of the American Association of Retired Persons, 2010.

[2] Edmondson, B.

[3]Facebook, divorce linked in new study. Huffington Post, 2013

[4] Jaslow, R. Internet addiction changes the brain in a similar way to cocaine. CBS News, 2012.

[5] Laster, J. Students Denied Social Media Removal. Chronicle of Higher Education, 2010.