Do fairy tales exist?

Love at first sight. They are viewed from across the room. Her eyes lock. All other people fade away. The music starts. He approaches her and it is as if they have known each other for a lifetime. They kiss. they get married AND 2.5 kids later and a black Lab, they live happily ever after. After all. It’s a fairy tale.

I do a fair amount of relationship work with my clients. And it doesn’t surprise me that I hear the same complaints over and over again from both men and women. It’s almost like they’ve both forgotten that relationships take work.

A woman I have worked with over the years told me that monogamy is a thing of the past. For some yes. Not for many. When we checked her dating history, all of her relationships ended in infidelity, or she was just phantom. Going deeper into these conversations, I asked her if she was ever the one who committed the infidelity. She said yes. About a third of the time. When I asked her why she walked out she did. She said that she didn’t want to be the first to get hurt. Hmm…

When does causing pain justify not working for progress? There comes a time when you have to decide that being in a relationship is not just about you. I have had several clients {and friends} who have been married 4 or more times. Guess what? It’s not them. Most likely it’s you. Marriage often gets a bad rap. Despite having a bad reputation, the divorce rate continues to decline. 50% of all marriages end in divorce has not been true for quite some time. A marriage is like a fairy tale. They both take work.

I am often asked what is the best advice to give to someone who is getting married. The short answer. If you’re not willing to give it your all, especially when your partner clearly isn’t, marriage is not for you. Yes, a healthy marriage is reciprocal. But you can’t control that. All you can control is what you are putting into a relationship. I am not suggesting that you put up with a life of unhappiness. I am suggesting that it is very rare for you and your partner to give the best of yourself to the relationship at the same time.

I know of couples who broke up because one got sick. They literally left because their partner was in bed for a few weeks. I am not judging these individuals. However, I wonder if they ever loved their partner in the first place. Or was it more that they loved the idea of ​​how their partner made them feel?

So, do fairy tales exist? I think they do. But they require work. And if you work It is possible that you will see that happy ending that you are looking for.