How to be a good conversationalist and get your date talking about you long after the date is over

Conversation is a necessary part of our everyday lives, and nowhere is it more important than when you’re dating. Being a good conversationalist can get you through a bad date with grace and can make a good date even better.

There is a trick or an ‘art form’ as they say to become a good conversationalist. There are many things you can do to improve your conversation skills. While it is true that some people are born with the ‘gift of words’, you can learn, develop and acquire the same gift of being a good conversationalist by following some of these tips. You will soon become a better conversationalist in no time and your dates will be talking about you long after the date is over. Try these tips.

Be willing to listen, more than you want to talk
Your willingness to listen more than you want to talk is one of the key ingredients in being a good conversationalist. Good conversationalists can listen more than anyone else and can therefore respond better when asked questions about the topic being discussed. By listening, you can pick up little things in the conversation that would otherwise be lost. You will be able to pick up the tone, or the change in tone, the inflection, and the emotion(s) being expressed. All of these things you can use to your advantage as you try to be an effective communicator.

Read frequently on various topics.
A good conversationalist can talk about any number of topics because they are generally widely read. If you are the type of person who only likes to read fiction, get out of our comfort zone and read a romantic comedy or a travel book. Einstein once said that if you study a subject for an hour a day, in a year you will be an expert on it. I don’t necessarily subscribe to that school of thought; however, I believe that if you read one hour a day, every day for a year, your knowledge will have increased a lot and you will have more things to talk about. Start by reading your local newspaper cover to cover.

Get and maintain eye contact with the person you are talking to
Good conversationalists are able to make you feel that everything you say is important. Maintaining eye contact is a great way to show your significant other what they have to say and that what they have to say is important to you.

ask open questions
When you talk, ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Many people have the habit of asking closed questions. For example, you could ask: ‘Is pink your favorite color?’ That is a closed question because the answer can only be ‘yes’ or ‘no’; instead, ask, ‘What is it about the color pink that you love so much?’ This is an open question. Open-ended questions allow people to elaborate enough on the answer that you have enough information to ask another question along the same lines, or turn it into something you have in common.

Find common ground and build on it
Sure, there’s a right time and place for lively discussions, debates, and disagreements, but a date shouldn’t be one of them. Good conversationalists have a way of asking just enough questions to find common ground and build on that throughout the date. If during your conversation you feel like you’ve hit a dead end with the person you’re chatting with, agree to disagree, move on and find common ground to start another topic of conversation.

Turn a negative experience into a positive reflection
Most people, when they are on a date, will inevitably bring up the history of exes. This is usually followed by the perfunctory question: “What happened between you and your ex?” Or something like that. This question can still be a sore point for your date and the mention of an ex can trigger negative feelings and/or emotions. Things that can easily turn a good date into a bad one. Instead, ask, “What lessons did you learn from your past relationships that made you a better person?” This question works on many emotional levels. She keeps the ex in the past, suggests she learned a lesson, and hints that because of the experience, they are better for her. This is turning a negative situation into a positive reflection. That type of question allows a person to think in a more reflective and positive way about what she learned from the relationship.

‘Sandwich’ the negative
During conversations, it is common for someone to ask another person for their opinion on any topic. If someone asks you to comment on something you have a negative opinion about, learn to “wall” it between non-offensive statements.

For example, if someone asks you about your opinion of the President of the United States and you don’t have a favorable opinion of him, you might say, “I know the job of any elected official is difficult and it’s hard to please everyone.” . However, I don’t like the way he vetoed the pig spending measure, as I think it could have ended the financial waste that plagues most administrations. But I certainly understand that he has that right as president to veto legislation.

This lets the person tactfully know that you disapprove of the president’s policy, but also closes the door on potential disagreement (argument) if the person you are speaking to disagrees with your statement or is aligned with the politic party. of the POTUS.

Know how and when to give compliments
Everyone likes to be complemented. Whether it’s in the clothes they wear, their cologne, style of dress and/or their profession. At the same time, no one wants to be inundated with a bunch of unnecessary or gratuitous praise. When you’re talking to someone about something they’re passionate about, congratulate them on their accomplishment. For example, if someone tells you about the volunteer work they did for the homeless, an appropriate compliment might be:

“It takes a special person to want to reach out and help the homeless and those less fortunate than themselves, and I can see that you have that special quality.”

This is a type of compliment that will let the person you are talking to know that their good deed did not go unnoticed by you and that you admire that quality in them. Of course, complementing them on their appearance at the appropriate time would also not hurt.

Be humorous…within your limits
Everyone likes to laugh, and laughter therapy is the best unofficial way to get over life’s pains and get through dating. However, not all people can be funny all the time. It’s always good to know a couple of good jokes and anecdotes, and inject them into your conversations at appropriate times. Use appropriate animation when necessary when telling a funny anecdote. Don’t try to be too funny or get out of your comfort zone with laughter. Remember that humor is like a great spice; it is best appreciated when used lightly and not many people know it.

These are just some of the little things you can do to improve your conversational skills. Keep practicing these techniques and more and more you will be the person everyone wants to talk and talk to.