Sticky signs: why a strong partner is much more attractive than a needy one

The words “sticky signs” should be on a sign around the neck of a friend of mine who is getting divorced. This person has been the epitome of a good loving spouse. They took the good with the bad. No amount of bad behavior on the part of the other person made my friend want a divorce. There was literally NOTHING they could do to make my friend leave (and trust me, he got sick). In other words, my friend was being a doormat. A sticky, needy doormat. Finally the other person left and ended my friend’s misery.

The sticky signs are pretty clear to a person looking on the outside of a relationship, but sometimes it’s more difficult when you’re one of the two people in it. So when does needing your partner’s support cross the line and become just plain annoying?

First, let’s back up for a minute.

So why is it so bad to be clingy and needy in the first place? I can sum it up in one word: UNEQUAL.

That’s how it is. When a person is clingy, he is automatically taking more from the relationship than he is giving. Period.

It doesn’t matter how much you love them if you are suffocating them because they will be unhappy anyway. And I’m speaking from experience here. An important person from my past used to get mad if I had breakfast without him and usually didn’t speak to me for three days. (Though he didn’t get up for breakfast when everyone else did.) Yeah…it was that bad.

This made me feel like I was carrying a heavy weight because I felt responsible for my happiness AND HER! He could only hold the two of us for so long. After a while, it wasn’t worth the effort anymore. I think that’s what happens with a lot of potentially great relationships.

Here are the reasons why:

1. Clingy people are often selfish (although not all of them mean to be).

If you’re a clingy person and I only hurt your feelings, I’m sorry. But you need to hear the truth and take a good look at yourself. (Your future happiness depends on it.) Clingy people are insecure people. They need constant verification that they are loved, appreciated, etc. Because of that need, they are always thinking about themselves and how their partner relates to them. Now, when you’re constantly thinking about yourself, you can’t be thinking about your partner and their needs, can you?

YOU are responsible for YOU and it is not your partner’s job to make you happy. Clingy people expect other people to make them happy when, in reality, happiness never comes from outside sources. It ALWAYS comes from within.

2. People want to feel like they are in a relationship with an equal.

An equal is someone on the same wavelength with you mentally, emotionally, and physically. They “get” you like no one else does. And they give as much to the relationship as they take. Relationships are like banks. You make deposits, then take things out when you need them. However, it will ruin your relationship if one person is always making withdrawals without putting anything in.

3. Every partner needs support

One of the main points in life is to find a person with whom to share your ups and downs. They celebrate with you when things are going well and help support you when things go wrong. However, if you are a clingy person, how can you be a rock to your partner when they need you? (See Number 1 above.

4. Relationships take work.

All you need is Love It’s a great song, but it’s just not true. (Now I’ll have that song in my head all day.) Relationships take work, but if your partner is your top priority, it doesn’t really feel like work. Instead of spending your day worrying about where your partner is and what they’re doing, take that time to plan something nice to show your love. Give them some space. It will be good for both of us.

Can’t decide if you are clingy or if your partner is clingy? Here are some signs:

* You must know where the other person is every minute of every day.

* You don’t like your partner spending time with their friends without you (or without you).

* You want your partner to give up hobbies/interests that don’t include you.

* Hold your partner back from his potential because you are afraid of “falling behind.”

* Not having a life and a plan of their own. (That’s why you’re riding their skirts.)

If you’re a clingy person, I didn’t mean to hit you. Being clingy is often a learned behavior and may have been taught to you by your parents. But the time has come to break that mold and become your own person.

A strong partner with his own life and interests makes him a great partner.

If you want to have a healthy and BALANCED relationship, you must be a happy and balanced person. Now, I know we all have our little problems in life, but I mean, generally speaking, you have to get your act together. Go out and get new friends and hobbies. Start thinking and acting positive all the time. Start loving life and everyone around you. All those sticky signs will automatically go away when you do these simple things because you’ll be happier, more confident, and more independent. If you need more help getting organized, see a counselor. Many churches and workplaces will provide you with free counseling services.

If attachment has caused your relationship to break down, check out the signs of attachment for steps to repair it.