The decision making process

Making decisions is never easy and the worst thing is that we are never taught to make decisions. No one taught us this life skill growing up. No one at school or at home taught us. We only learn through observation. And most often we observe people who do not know how to make a decision!

And one of the most ineffective processes is coming up with a pros and cons list! And this is one of the most popular ways that people base their decisions on.

So the most common question I get from my students and clients is this: Do I make my decision based on logic or based on what my heart tells me? Ah, this is where we trip ourselves up BIG. We often see logic and our feelings as two separate entities, because we haven’t experienced them enough to be a unit. And we haven’t understood each other enough to know that they are interconnected.

Now let’s play devil’s advocate here: what is logic? The definition of logic is correct reasoning. But correct reasoning is not the ultimate truth. Our reasoning is based on the information we have at the moment, so the logic expands or contracts based on the data/information available. This also means that the logic can change or evolve as we evolve. When we talk about logic, we seem to have a fixed idea that logic doesn’t change. But when we talk about feelings/emotions, we don’t have qualifications to accept that yes, our feelings/emotions change depending on the situations/circumstances.

If both logic and our feelings evolve/transform, this means that our decision-making process is actually much easier than we think. Because? We have a higher tolerance for things to change, and even if we make a decision now based on what we know, that decision also has room to evolve because we are open to the idea that we will have more information over time.

Ultimately, this means that we can only make decisions based on the present moment. I know this sounds a bit zen. But this is the only way we can move. We cannot live our lives stuck in the past based on past information, nor can we wait in anticipation of what is to come, and be paralyzed, not knowing how to make the decision. So we can only make decisions based on the present moment. Does this make sense to you?

The problem with us humans is that we are so filled with fears that confront us in our conscious and unconscious that it is almost impossible for most people to make decisions based on the present moment. Most people can’t live like this. They want guarantees in life, they want guarantees of success, they fear suffering, being hurt. And they just want to control everything that happens in their lives, which we know is impossible.

Trying to control everything and wanting guarantees is not living, and it comes from an extremely egocentric perspective that you really think you have any form of control, which comes from a narcissistic egomaniacal mind! Can you imagine the majority of humanity operating in this way?

In the end, what happens is that people start making decisions based on their fears. “Never trust your fears, they don’t know your strengths” This is a great quote! Our fears are myopic and often have no depth in perspective, and making our decisions based on fears limits us and prevents us from seeing further and further, and certainly keeps us in the loop of our comfort zone. We feel a temporary sense of freedom, thinking that we have made the choice that works for us, but whatever decision we have made that stems from fear will come back to haunt us, it is only a matter of time.

As zen as it sounds, the most effective decision-making process is still one that is based in the present moment, which fuels our state of empowerment and gives us a sense of freedom to understand that: hey! I am always free to change my perspective on things, people, situations and I am allowed to evolve.

Try this decision-making process, you might like it.